So this weekend I met up with a friend who has just had a child that I helped come into existence.  No, not the traditional way, but because I helped the couple understand the fertility world, helped them with their IVF choice and all of the decisions they needed to make to have their baby and there I was, once again, with a newborn in my arms!

That got me thinking, when I wrote the diary that turned into my book I never imagined that surrogacy would continue to be a HUGE part of my life.  A calling, a passion, a hobby, I don't know what you call it but it is definitely something that makes me happy, makes me smile and I feel that I have to do.  Helping others navigate the minefield of infertility, IVF and surrogacy to me seems to come naturally.  It seems complicated but actually it isn't, when broken down into its component parts it becomes easier to manage, physically, emotionally and of course financially.

But, that aside, last night I did a tally of how many children since 2013 are now on this planet in part because of me as I have in some way helped their parent/s in their fertility journey.  The number came to 58 (unborn children didn't make it to the number)... 58!!  58 little people... WOW.... I was blown away by that.... actually I still am... 58, that is crazy but brought a massive smile to my face.

I am so grateful to have been able to help these families have what I have.  It is amazing to be able to say I have been a little part is someone being able to say that their dream has become a reality.

This past weekend I was asked to present to a small group of reproductive reflexologists on "What is surrogacy?".

I always love talking to anyone and everyone about surrogacy but this was a real eye-opener.  Here was a group of top of their game reproductive reflexologists with the world-respected Barbara Scott listening to me talking about what it is, who needs to go through it, how it works from a practical perspective and the legalities around surrogacy (both nationally and internationally).

I'm not a doctor in any shape or form neither of traditional medicine nor am I someone who knows much about non-traditional medicine; but I think that it is always good to have a view on life that encompasses all angles and this session definitely did.  It was lovely to be in a room filled with others who just want to help - who understand that IVF and infertility can be a struggle both emotionally and financially.

​A thoroughly enjoyable morning!

BioNews is published by the Progressive Educational Trust (PET) www.progress.org.uk/home.  PET provides independent comment on genetics, fertility treatment, embryo/stem cell research and related areas.  Run by Sarah Norcross this not-for-profit is all about education and providing debate around the responsible application of reproductive and genetic science.

I just saw online a review of my book and in all honesty I am incredibly honoured that PET would not only decide to read my book but also then have someone write a review of it.  I personally always find it strange when reading other people's comments on what I wrote and our journey to parenthood, especially when it highlights areas that I could have expanded or explained further, but it gives me food for thought and maybe in the next edition I will expand on those areas.  All in all though I think it is a positive review so I'm happy about that.

Strange to me, but obviously something that is a natural thing to wonder, is a question that I get asked regularly - will I write a sequel to Our Journey?  Something titled "Life with Twins" or "How to Survive The Exhaustion of Twins" and it is something that I'm thinking about but the joy of life with my twins is that it is really busy and filled with fun and laughter so it will have to depend upon how much spare time I can muster once they've gone to sleep at night.

With the 3rd Families Through Surrogacy conference on the horizon I was asked once again to go through the reasons why surrogacy is so controversial and why there is such a need for intended parents to go internationally.

I maintain that there is a lack of legal clarity within the UK on surrogacy.  Surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and as such surrogacy is trust-based.  Which is totally fine if that level of trust is there, but what happens if it isn't and intended parents are blinded by their desire to have a child?  In other jurisdictions where contracts are enforceable this is a variable that is removed - the US remains the legal benchmark for surrogacy (in my opinion).

Reading the online comments on articles like this is something that I normally avoid but this time I did and frankly it shows how far we still have to go in educating people about surrogacy.  But that is a good thing as I love teaching people about surrogacy and IVF.

​http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/feb/20/childless-uk-couples-forced-abroad-surrogates

​Apparently the news out of Mexico is that it has just been announced that international intended parents will not be able to go through the surrogacy process in Mexico any more.
 
Mexico follows in the footsteps of other countries that have banned international surrogacy: Thailand (post baby Gammy), India (first stopping same-sex and single intended parents going through surrogacy) and Nepal (where the process has been temporarily stopped with the intention to possibly end the practice at some stage in the future).
 
To many Intended Parents looking for a low-cost surrogacy option I have been saying for a long time that this ban would happen.  The reason behind this was that the Governor of Tabasco State, Liliana Madrigal, which was the only legal state for surrogacy had openly said she wanted to make surrogacy legal only for Tabasco residents.  I just hope that there are intended parents who are now not stuck in a quagmire of legal issues.
 
Thankfully, there are still options for intended parents looking abroad and I have to say that anyone who can afford it in my opinion should look at the global benchmark of the USA; where everyone in the process is legally protected and surrogacy contracts are enforceable. 
 
However, Canada has recently become a jurisdiction of choice for many Intended Parents.  There is no language barrier, a good surrogate supply, some very good surrogacy consultants BUT the law is akin to that in the UK, where surrogates are only able to be paid expenses.  The good thing is that going through the process in Canada is that the whole process can come in at under $100,000 too!
 
Once again, I must reiterate that any intended parent must go through their own due diligence process but if you are in any doubt then please do get in touch and I’m happy to walk you through everything that you need to know.

A few weeks ago I was asked to write a 450 word article on what would be my one piece of advice to intended parents looking at the fertility world and starting their "journey" to building a family.

As you will probably know by now, I can't just keep myself to 1 piece of advice no anything!! But as the surrogacy world has a plethora of parts that need to be looked at simultaneously, I have to give lots of points because if one angle is overlooked that can have some serious downstream ramifications in the process.  So I gave what is in my opinion, the starting point for any intended parent looking at surrogacy - to figure out the legal framework both in your home country as well as the overall legal framework in the country in which you are looking to go through surrogacy.

Little did I know that I would be then placed in a piece with the like of Lord Robert Winston, Drs Sarah Jarvis and Hilary Jones and the money saving expert Martin Lewis!  Sometimes I marvel at how far I have come within the surrogacy world and how much of an "expert" I seem to have become.  I don't feel an expert, I just know a lot of information that I'm happy to share - does that make me a teacher or an expert, or both?

This past weekend at the Fertility Show in London, I was asked by another very famous person in the fertility world, Jessica Hepburn, "why do you do what you do"?  It's very simple - I help others because I am passionate about seeing people fulfil their ambition of having a family.

My mission is to make surrogacy as transparent as possible so that intended parents are able to make informed choices at every step of the way and that they have a resource that can help them at every step of that journey.  It's why I wrote my book on the topic of surrogacy, it's why I host free surrogacy seminars, and it's why I will continue to do what I can, when I can.  It is an amazing feeling to be able to help others, I sometimes feel that this world is filled with people who are only helping themselves and it is just wonderful to be a small part of a group that helps people achieve their dream.  Long may it continue.

For the full article, please click here https://www.fertilityroad.com/fertility/industry-experts-reveal-their-fertility-advice-secrets-10930/

Once again I attended the Alternative Parenting Show in central London.  This is an annual event for intended parents to meet with a number of professionals from the family building arena.  It is always great to meet up with the people who share the same ethos as me which is to make sure that the intended parents are fully informed and have someone they can talk to about which are the right decisions for them.

I was part of The Fertility Center's (www.fertilitycenterlv.com) stand this year which was amazing as I got to learn more about what their plans are for 2016 and how they would like me to be more formally involved.  All in all the plans are very exciting as they are going to be opening another IVF clinic in New York which will mean that by the end of 2016 they will have clinics in Las Vegas, New York and Los Angeles - a true pan-U.S. IVF offering.

I am excited about this because if you remember in one of my blog postings from March 2014 I posed the question, which to use an IVF clinic on the East or on the West Coast of the U.S.  Thankfully, now intended parents have the ability to choose which city is geographically best for them and to have one of the top US IVF clinics available to start their IVF process.  Needless to say, all of the intended parents that I spoke to at the event were thrilled about this because they can now choose a trip delineated by other factors not only where they can get to easily!

On top of this, I spoke to north of 20 couples who were looking at the US and Canada to go start their family through surrogacy and what surprised me (in a nice way) was how many had actually seen my book and how many had some very well thought out ideas and thoughts on the surrogacy journey.  It really amazes me every time someone kindly says how helpful my book has been.

Of course, even with the book and talking briefly to me there are many questions that remain unanswered for intended parents so in early October through my not-for-profit  www.surrogacywithconfidence.com I will be running another free seminar to answer as many questions as I can.  If you would like to come then please send me a message and I will forward on the details to you.

On the evening of June 23rd I attended an event at the offices of the law firm Norton Rose Fulbright (www.nortonrosefulbright.com) in central London that had been put together in conjunction with the Pride and Family Matters groups as well as the P3 network (www.thep3network.com).  P3 is a new-ish network of Proud Professional Parents of same-sex parents aimed at professionals within the city of London.  The event was called The Joys of becoming an LGBT Parent

The event brought together a panel of 4 same-sex parents through the different means, we had Steven who has adopted 2 children, Elizabeth who had children with an ex-husband before meeting her new female partner and myself, a dad of twins born through surrogacy.  Also we had Suran who runs Diversity Role Models (http://www.diversityrolemodels.org) a phenomenal charity that actively seeks to prevent homophobic and transphobic bullying in UK schools through education about diversity.

The panel spoke in turns about the preparation that each of us went through in order to start our families.  Obviously for Elizabeth it wasn’t so much preparation as matter of fact but for Steven and myself it was about how we went through the adoption and surrogacy process and what tips and pointers could we give to the audience.   

It always surprises me the amount of bureaucracy and evaluation adopters have to go through when starting the process.  From trying to convince social-workers that 2 working parents are OK to have children, to talking about the red flags that social workers might have of people who have a child (through a man/female relationship) who want to adopt now they are in a same-sex relationship and why this might not happen.  With surrogacy there is so little social worker oversight that I actually wonder how if a happy medium could be achieved.  As always at events like this each panellist had a very different story and it is amazing to hear how supportive and positive the family and allies of each panellist had been in helping when things got tough.  

After discussing our individual routes to parenthood we then moved the focus of the event on to how it was to be an LGBT parent.  Bizarrely it seems that no matter which route to parenthood you take, you all end up in the same place!  Worrying whether or you we are doing the right thing, choosing the right school, making the right decisions for our children.  The one thing that we all had in common though was that we want our children to grow up in a loving and supportive environment where they flourish due to their self-confidence and self-esteem.  This is where Suran spoke the most as at DRM they see exactly how children are able to challenge stereotypes through education.

I find evenings like this really inspirational and I wish that when we were going through our journey we had had a network of people who had been through the process to bounce ideas off.  All in all I think it was a fantastically informative and great evening.

Here is the text of a blog-post that I wrote for We Are Family Magazine with my thoughts on the London Families Through Surrogacy Conference in March 2015


A definitive success!I always give myself a month or so to reflect on and to judge the success of any event that I help to organise. Some will judge by the number of attendees, others will judge by cash flow; I don't, I judge the success of my events by whether or not they made a positive impact on the people that gave up their time to come.

The March 2015 Families Through Surrogacy UK conference brought together over 120 participants from all component parts of the surrogacy sector: surrogacy agencies, lawyers, IVF clinics and, most importantly, intended parents.

So to judge whether it was a success or not? I really do believe that it was. Getting that amount of people out on a sunny London Saturday is near on amazing. The professionals came from all over the world (but with, as usual, huge US dominance), and the intended parents that I spoke to were from France, Germany, Sweden, Spain and of course the UK.

But attendance aside, the most amazing thing was the large number of voluntary panelists that helped to frame some interesting discussions.

The panel that has had the best response (and which was a first) was the one where a policy-maker from Her Majesty's Passport Office (HMPO) gave a talk on how UK passports are obtained for children born through international surrogacy. Getting information directly from the HMPO on what to do (and importantly what NOT to do) was fantastic!

There is an open debate on the actual value to intended parents of sales-led conferences versus that of the education-led conferences. The Families Through Surrogacy UK conference very firmly falls into the latter category where, in my opinion, intended parents are able to learn about surrogacy in an impartial manner.

In addition, the conference did not discriminate against any section of society, it allowed anyone who was looking at surrogacy in any country to come along. This is also why the conference was a success. It facilitated an open and honest discussion for everyone on many topics that surround surrogacy including talking about issues and problems that intended parents could face at any stage of their journey, and it continues to do so.

http://wearefamilymagazine.co.uk/blogs-12/

During the last parliamentary session the MP for Erewash, Jessica Lee, did a lot of work to raise awareness of the need to have UK surrogacy laws reformed.  The most important thing for this specific topic was that she had a motion tabled and debated in Parliament on the reforms needed and her debate was very comprehensive on it (see the link below).

I am regularly asked what the legal situation in the UK is with regards surrogacy and the one thing that most people are unaware of is that a contract signed in the UK between Intended Parents and a Surrogate is actually not legally binding and it is just a piece of paper with "intentions" written on it.  The whole process in the UK is built on trust, which is a great way to create an enduring relationship but potentially can lead to the worst outcome if this relationship breaks down.

This past week Nick Clegg spoke to Pink News and took some questions on a lot of same-sex related topics but the one that jumped out at me was that he mentioned the need for surrogacy reform:

Question – Surrogacy: What are your views on the legalisation of surrogacy for gay couples? The UK doesn’t seem to have a cogent law on this. And it’s a lot safer being pregnant for nine months than being a farmer for nine months. It seems to me it should be legalised and regulated.

Answer - Families come in all different shapes and sizes – and there will almost certainly be more and more gay couples considering adoption or surrogacy in the future. It’s great that so many gay couples are looking to start a family, and government should support these couples as much as possible. I agree this is an area that needs further investigation. We should be learning from the experience of couples who have used surrogacy, and looking at how full legalisation has worked in places like California.

My friends Nick and Rory are campaigning a lot on this specific topic and have launched a petition to bring about "fair and ethical surrogacy built on a legal framework" so I wonder now that Jessica is stepping down after this election which politician will aim to continue Jessica's great work?

Jessica's debate:
http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmhansrd/cm141014/halltext/141014h0001.htm 

Pink News article:
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/04/10/nick-clegg-calls-for-surrogacy-reform-and-action-on-gay-cure-therapy-in-pinknews-qa/ 

Nick & Rory's campaign:
http://www.gaybirthrightuk.com